Sunday 10 July 2016

Fit for Purpose

There are two candidates for the job of leader of the Conservative Party in the UK. They are called Theresa May, whom everyone British and informed knows from telly and internet, and Andrea Leadsom, who is only now that much in the public eye.

The media gave Theresa May a hard-nosed reputation, but now they have  given her a soft side by playing up remarks Leadsom made to the Times. Leadsom said it would be horrible if she pointed out that she had children and May did not---which, of course, she was actually doing.  And now everyone is thinking how tragic it is that May couldn't have children and how stupid it is to think that "being a mum" gives you a professional edge in a country where only one Prime Minister has ever been a mum.

Benedict Ambrose is wroth at what he sees as Leadsom's mean-women-treating-the-office-like-it's-high-school* tactic. He says either Leadsom is catty or she is dumb about the media, and he wants neither quality in his Prime Minister. As a woman who, like May, wanted to have children but couldn't have them, I am not exactly applauding either. However, I have thought about this "stake in the country" issue a lot--mostly because both Alec Salmond and Nicola Sturgeon don't have any children and they want to remove Scotland from the United Kingdom. (That said, Ruth Davidson, the head of the Scottish Conservative-Unionist party, doesn't have children either.)

My own feelings about Scotland are a bit backward-looking: I think of all the Jocks who died in various wars thinking about their "wee bit hill and glen" and grind my teeth when developers rip them up. I have no Scottish relations younger than my husband. Do I have a stake in Scotland past my death in 2057?  Well, I wouldn't want to meet my Maker having done nothing to save His handiwork from destruction. "What about that wee bit hill and glen then, Dorothy?" The trad Catholic mothers of Scots I know (who are not always Scots themselves) worry endlessly, however, about the Scotland their children will grow up in. 

I don't know if Angela Merkel has children, so I will now ask Google. That reminds me. I was at the airport yesterday waiting for my parents, and a man and his young (perhaps 10 year old) son came through the sliding doors. The boy was wearing a T-shirt that said (with all the letters written in) "F**k Google. Ask me." My thought was, What kind of parent allows his son to wear a shirt like that in public? Yes, I do judge parents by their children, if the children have attained the age of reason. Angela Merkel had no children herself, but she has two stepsons.

Frankly I do not think a woman needs to have children to be the best choice for Prime Minister. The soft motherly virtues are probably not what you need to run a G-8 nation, and I don't think anyone ever accused Margaret Thatcher (mother of two) of having any. Naturally, as both candidates are in their late fifties, nobody would worry that May or Leadsom would be distracted at crucial moments by children contracting the mumps or being caught smoking grass behind the tool shed, of course. Meanwhile, the media habitually makes male politicians' children a topic of discussion, so this whole stramash cannot be said to be deeply sexist, however it may appear. Tony Blair paraded his kids for the cameras whereas Gordon Brown, to his great credit, never let us see his until the day he left 10 Downing Street.

One thing that prevents me from joining in the general kicking of Andrea "Loathsome", as she has fatally been dubbed, is that she respects the existence of social conservatives and was opposed to gay marriage. This may be why the media has decided to give her absolute merry hell. So keep that in mind.

*One reason why I work from home, and one reason why I am so glad when university-age girls tell me they are studying the hard sciences and/or maths, is the existence of mean-women-who-treat-the-office-like-it's-high-school. I saw a lot of them in my years of temping and--shudder. In general, I am a woman's woman, but there are limits to my tolerance of female evil. I am not sure Saint Edith Stein gets into the subject of women bullying women in her writings about women in the professions: I should look.

9 comments:

  1. How on earth is it possible to have May shoed in like this? I'm really irritated by Leadsom dropping out, a bit late now love. Was she aware that she was playing with the Big Boys when she entered the race? Between Gove's "et tu" betrayal of Boris and now Leadsom dropping out the Brexit MPs look childish and unprofessional. I hope May is strong enough to make Brexit happen and won't call another referendum. Aye, those with children look on the world with different eyes, how can they not. The media pretending otherwise didn't fool me.

    Sinéad.

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  2. I thought what Gove did was quite brave and responsible, really. On the other hand, all I know about Gove I read in James Delingpole's column (I think it was JD), and he is his friend. I have a soft spot for Gove because on the Rough Bus last weekend a drunk decided Benedict Ambrose was Michael Gove and began to castigate him for betraying Boris. "You should be ashamed of yourself," said the drunk. "I am," said B.A. "That's why I grew this beard."

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  3. Women who have had children may make better politicians than those who have not, not because of their greater maternal softness, nor because they have a greater stake in the future, but because of their greater emotional toughness than childless women, particularly in the sense of being able to stand up to severe criticism and shrug it off.

    If there is a quality I have noted among the childless of my own sex, and I include myself there, it is a dread of dissent, of provoking opposition, and finally of personal criticism, especially from those who are supposed to be on one's own side. Married mothers, especially those with several children, tend to know that even those who love one, and those whom one loves, may be ferocious in their attacks upon one. And they know that sometimes their proper reaction must be, so what? Baby hollers all night in spite of care; you have to learn it isn't personal. Eight-year old son yells 'Mum, that's not fair!' when she makes him do his homework; 'Whatever, kid, you still have to finish your arithmetic problems' says Mum. Worst of all are teenagers hollering 'Mum, I will hate you forever if you don't let me go out with him/her!' who really seem to mean it, at least for a while. If you're a decent parent you learn to stand by your decisions.

    I know voters are not children; the analogy is not meant to be exact. Still, I think there is some truth to this view, though I admit that it is rather counter-intuitive.

    Alias Clio

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  4. If mothers are so tough, why all the "open letters" complaining about petty slights (dubbed "shaming") all over the Internet?

    I agree that mothers get toughened to their own children's complaints and criticism, but become very sensitive indeed when it comes to adult critique of their parenting.

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  5. Yes, I know, the offense taken at 'mother-shaming' on the internet is an argument against my hypothesis. I'm going to guess that these are usually younger mothers; also, they may well be mothers without jobs. I see nothing wrong with this myself, but it gets a great deal of criticism from 'working' women and some mothers w/o jobs find it hard to take. So let me modify my original point by adding that the 'tough mothers' I had in mind also have education and work experience. After all, it's unlikely that a successful politician would lack either of these traits. I still maintain that all things being equal, women who have never had children are usually though not invariably more brittle and vulnerable to criticism than women who have.

    Alias Clio

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    1. But older people in general tend to be emotionally tougher/more grounded. And I'm not sure why dealing with the criticisms one encounters at one's job, etc. wouldn't have just as toughening an effect as an eleven-year-old yelling that he hates you? I don't think being able to ignore what people say about you is about motherhood so much as it is about personality. Some personalities are more self-confident and care less about what other people say than others do, and most grow better at it as they get older.

      Actually, out of the people I know, the one I think would make the best political leader is a married-but-childless woman. :)

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    2. Toughness can be an innate personality trait, but I don't think it's the whole explanation of why some women have or develop it, and others don't. (I am not offering my view as a certainty, but merely as an hypothesis.) Criticism received at work does not appear to have the same toughening effect on most women I know. It could be because workplace criticisms tend to be more veiled, and less personal, than the kind one receives at home, or in politics.

      Alias Clio

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  6. Have you read Katie Hopkins piece in the DM today on May? It discusses May's childlessness and I thought it was interesting, ponders her lack of an Achilles Heel. Still will miss Cameron though, I think he was a man of duty, he was on fire at PMQs today.

    Sinéad.

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